I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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