I think I died a long time ago.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
