So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
