she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
