Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
