I accidentally burped into my bong.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
