All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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