you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
