Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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