I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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