YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I have aggressive nipples.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
