and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
