Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
