she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
