I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
