if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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