just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
