NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
