last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
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