Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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