u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
