My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
