Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
