I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
