If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
