Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
