You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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