shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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