Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
