RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
