You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
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