omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Randomize
