My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
