I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
