He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
