Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
