Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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