What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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