i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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