the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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