She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
