He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
