He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
