Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
