What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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