so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
