Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
