At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
