toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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