maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
