Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
