I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
